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| *Ostroff, Fair and Company>>>Financial Services |
With a son newly graduated from college, still job hunting, how do you subtly cut the strings, esp. financial? |
Have already dropped medical insurance. well its good to teach your son responsibility but you should understand that he really doesn't have a job currently and its still your responsibility to make sure that you son really lives a life of an educated person.dont let him suffer if you can still support him because God gave you this responsibility of taking care of your children which is why your called parent. sending him away will not be a parent like manner because it offers no solution anyway.its better that you seat with him and discuss how you can go by this problem.remember he has no job which means he really has no choice..its not his liking that he has no job right now.be patient with him...however show him the impotance of his independence You should've did that long ago, once they turn 18 they are adults and adults fend for themselves! If he is living on his own, make sure you switch all bills into his name. If he is living in your house, either start charging him a portion of the monthly expenses or give him a date when he has to find another place to live. Of course, you can offer to pay some of the costs associated with getting on your feet, but you have to let him handle the responsibility of getting things in order. You should have started while he was in college. Although I pay my daughter's college fees, I have always insisted that as soon as she left the dorms, she pay her own living expenses. She holds a part time job and does that because she wanted an apartment. Now, you need to sit your son down and tell him that he NEEDS a job for medical benefits. Tell him he can continue looking for a job in his field, but he needs something NOW. Don't give him any money at all. Pay no bills for him. Feed him and give him a place to live if you must, but don't give him any spending money or any money to pay for car costs etc. Don't allow him the use of your car. Give him strict "house rules". He IS a guest, after all. If he balks, then tell him once he is paying rent to you (and give a dollar amount) that he can call his own shots. He'll soon start to fly a little. Say, "Sorry, I don't have any money for that." Do not hand him any money and take away any credit cards he may have that are in your name. If he asks why, tell him you need to reduce your debt. Let him eat food you make for now, buy just enough gas to get him to his interviews or drive him yourself. without being overly draconian, do you think that he is looking for work sincerely or just going through the motions because he knows you are there as a backstop. If he is still living at home, I think it would be cruel to just kick him out and cut off all the strings. Make him work for what you give him. We all need help around the house, so at least there is some dignity left for him. Then lay down the rules, new purchases are his responsibility and then set a timeframe for cutting out the things that are already outstanding. If he is sincerely looking for work, and you are not hurting for the money, find a way to nurture him out on his own. If he's just a freeloader, then cut him off and read him the riot act. Only a parent knows which one is true. I think the medical insurance should be the last thing to be dropped. This is a financial must, especially when he is just starting out. Once he gets a job with benefits, you can drop the insurance. Make it a loan if you wish, but keep making those premiums. |
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