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Please help me critque this letter to my past customers...? |
Good afternoon Mr. XXXXX, its John Smith from Brooklyn Distributors. As we discussed, you no longer need my products going forward. I would however like to ask something from you. 鈥淚F鈥?you know anyone, that you think might be interested in my products and services (I鈥檓 a full service distributor as I normally stock and price items for customers who need it) I would appreciate it if you can refer me to them or give me the lead. I thank you for your past business, and I wish you the best going forward. Good afternoon Mr. XXXXX, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your business in the past. We will miss doing business with you and will be on standby if you should ever need our services in the future. I hope that you have been satisfied with our service and that we can count on your reference in the future. We take this very seriously, and if you should refer a business contact to us, I assure you we will handle it with the utmost of care. As usual, we keep certain items in stock as needed, you can count on us. Again, thank you for your business in the past and my best wishes for a successful and prosperous future for you. Sincerely, Dear Mr. XXXXX, As we discussed, you no longer need my products. However,I would like to ask a favor of you. If you know anyone who may be interested in my products and services, I would greatly appreciate a favorable reference. Omit the comma in the last sentence. Don't start with "As we discussed...". That sets a negative tone on the whole letter. Try instead "We at Brooklyn Distributors are very sorry to see you go..." something like that. If you say "you no longer need my products", its almost aggressive but more over it will remind the reader later that he probably doesn't know anyone who "needs your products" either. ""IF"" doesn't need to be in quotes and you can shorten that significantly. Also, why is it afternoon? Try this, maybe change particular words if they don't suit you: Greetings Mr. XXXXXX from John Smith at Brooklyn Distributors. We at Brooklyn Distributors are sorry to see you go and we hope we can serve your distribution [I don't know know what you distribute] needs again in the future. [Depending on the reason why they are your 'past' customers, rather than your current customers, this paragraph needs to be changed.] But if you know anyone who might who might be served by our wide range of fully stocked affordable products [again, depending on what you sell], we would greatly appreciate it if you referred them to us. We thank you for your past business and wish you the best going forward. [And then maybe some contact info below that specifically says something about referalls... you could also offer past customers a discount for a referral.] August 15, 2007 Dear Mr. XXXXX As per our discussion on Aug. 13, 2007, it was determined that my services are something that no longer fits your company. I would, however, like to ask something of you. If you, by chance, know anyone that you think may be interested in my products or services, could you please refer them to me? As you know, I am a full service distributor with a complete inventory and competitive prices. I thank you for your past business and wish you the very best going forward. Sincerely, (use your signature here) John Smith Brooklyn Distributors Go with boycat99's letter. It is the absolute MOST impressive, and has no spelling or grammatical errors which unfortunately a few of the other letters that are almost perfect, have. Vanessa's is almost perfect. But boycat99's is THE BEST!! Use it, and don't even change a word (other than your name, etc.) |
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